As my two friends began to yell at each other, I sat helplessly watching, not knowing what to do or say. The argument dissolved into tears and the two leaving the room. It was apparent they were both hurting and angry at the situation and each other, and each believed that the other had wronged her. One friend I have known for 30 years, and the other I have known for 3, but I care about both and admire them as strong leaders with good ideas. I went to the 30-year friend and tried to comfort her while another woman went to comfort the other friend, despite not knowing if she would yell at me to go away. She allowed me to stay. When the 3-year friend stormed out of the room, I pleaded with her to stay and not leave the group in this manner, because I knew if she left, she would likely never return and that would hurt. Thankfully the mediator who pursued my 3-year friend was able to calm her and assist her with returning to discuss the situation, and I’m thankful that both friends chose to return to the table.
Even though I wasn’t sure what to say or do, I felt God telling me to go and be with my 30-year friend when she ran from the room with hot angry, hurting tears falling down her face. Anger scares me and I didn’t want to be the recipient of hers, but I also knew that if I could handle 3 of my babies dying, I could probably handle anything in life. Thankfully her anger wasn’t directed at me and I (hopefully) didn’t insert my foot too far into my mouth with my attempts to say the right thing. I apologized for anything wrong that I had done to hurt her in the situation, because I think it’s important that we all own our part in hurting other people when we are made aware of it. My heart hurt to think that my inaction had hurt my friend.
Although the evening ended with relative calm, I would not say that the situation has been fully resolved. I asked my friend if I could pray for her, and she agreed. I prayed for peace and calm for her heart, and a spirit of forgiveness and unity from God to envelop our group. Only Jesus can fully heal any broken relationship, but I know that He can do it, as I have seen it done in my life. The key is to be willing to be vulnerable and honest in communication with one another. Another friend who had sat fairly quietly during the encounter emailed me afterwards and thanked me for my role in the evening. She recalled a previous time when she perceived that I had been hurt by some things that each of these two friends had said to me, and she was amazed that I seemed to have forgiven them. In fact, I could barely even recall what had been said to me until she brought it up. I guess that’s the benefit of all of my short-term memory issues – it’s pretty hard to hold onto unforgiveness when you can’t recall being injured. 😉 But also, I am trying to live my life with more forgiveness and grace toward people these days. I have realized that in most scenarios, at least with the friends in my life, people really are just doing their best to be helpful. It’s just that they don’t always know what to say or do.
My “email friend” also asked why I was more sensitive to my 30-year friend’s pain, as I was the only one among the group who went to comfort her. “You were the only one who got up to comfort her and give her attention when she most needed it. Were you more sensitive to her pain because you have experienced so much pain in the last few months? You could have sat like the rest of us, not knowing quite what to do, or not wanting to open yourself to rejection and more pain. You didn’t. You went to the one in need. I want to not only thank you for that, but to say that you were the vessel of God’s love. You listened to the call of the Holy Spirit. Maybe you are more sensitive to that voice than the rest of us, or speaking for myself, than I was. I thank you for the love you showed and the things you said.” I responded with, “In the end, it’s better to err with good intentions than to omit a blessing because of fear of rejection. I guess I’ve faced so much hurt and rejection in recent years (and in my life in general) that I felt I could handle her rejection if she did so.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ~ 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
I think my suffering has indeed made me more sensitive to the suffering of others, almost in an overwhelming way sometimes, so that sometimes I have to turn it off and not feel so deeply for others. When I think about all of the suffering of humanity, or even in my small corner of the world, it is too much, and I have to return to Jesus on the cross because there is no other answer comprehensive enough to redeem our collective pain.
By the way, to the naysayers and judges reading this, I would like to say that I am not sharing this to toot my own horn about this experience, but to illustrate how God is using my heart, even in the midst of its brokenness. As usual, there is a song that comes to mind about this: Broken and Spilled Out by Steve Green. I hope that we all, despite our weaknesses and fears, will be willing to be spilled out for others in our brokenness. In what areas of your life are you allowing fear to hold you back from blessing others and yourself?
Transparent Graces 