God gave me these words in the image above tonight as I pondered the subject of giving with abundance, abandon, Divine dependence, discernment to meet needs, and obedience to step into His will. I’ve learned so much about giving this year from the way we’ve seen our friends, family, and strangers give to us. Some friends gave nothing because they had no extra to give. Some gave nothing, not even a word, but we know they live extravagant lifestyles in homes richer than we could ever imagine. We don’t know why these two groups didn’t help us, the judgments they may or may not have made against us, what they were silently facing, and we do not hold it against them-well, in all honestly, after praying to Jesus for help in releasing those thoughts and feelings of being unloved or uncared for, we don’t. I focus on the many ways we HAVE been blessed.
Those who didn’t give, even a single word of encouragement or a prayer on our behalf, are like a hind shadow to me as I think about the many many people who have given so generously to us this year to help us survive. Wouldn’t you know that, combined, all the gifts amounted to almost the exact amount of income that both Nathan and I lost this year. That is the God we serve, who provides the exact amount we need, when we need it, like he provided manna from Heaven for the nomadic Israelites.
We saw some people give $10, and others give 100 times that and more. Some didn’t give money, but time, a listening ear, free childcare, rides home from school, work days at our house to help clean up our yard, meals, specific groceries that we needed, paying for a new fence gate so neither of us had to lift the heavy wooden gate to get to our backyard anymore…and so much more. We are so thankful for all the ways that people gave to help us, from the smallest to the greatest.
The most interesting areas that people gave to us were in the areas of clothing for our kids, and food for our table, but I am focusing on the clothing in this blog post. We received everything from bags and bags of clothing from strangers, much of it with stains and obviously someone’s “charity donation,” to one beautiful church friend of mine (who is a grandma) who gave us her beautiful best. The trash bags of clothing mentioned first, while appreciated, did not make me feel valued. In fact, it made me feel the exact opposite of valued. I honestly can’t remember who gave them to us, but I remember going through the bags and seeing 80% of it stained or ripped, and just chucking it in the trash as I went. I thought, “I know I should be grateful for whatever people give us, but why would you give clothing like this to someone in need? If it’s not good enough for your kids, then it’s not good enough for someone else’s kids either.” When we give from our excess because we feel badly throwing things away that should be thrown away, and we give items that we don’t want anymore because they’re broken or torn or stained, we communicate to the recipient that they were valuable enough for scraps, but not for beauty and dignity. Our society teaches us that “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” and “Let someone else decide if it’s salvageable or not.” I admit that I have been guilty of this mindset in my giving most of my life…until now. At the very least I will do better at cleaning up my charitable donations to make them look pretty before I donate them. I read an article last week that places like Salvation Army, Goodwill and God’s Storehouse spend an unimaginable amount of money just in shipping trash away that they can’t put on their shelves. Some people define charitable giving like this: bring things that belong in the trash can to the charities, pat themselves on the back for doing a “good deed” and “just getting it out of the house,” gather their tax donation sheets for their monetary “reward” from Uncle Sam, and then the charities spend their resources sifting through the mountains of excess to pick out the things that are usable.
My friend, Aubree, who gave the girls clothing this fall must have spent $300 in brand new clothing for our girls, including a new winter coat for Adelaide that I picked out and held at Target for her to pay for. I felt badly asking for a $50 coat for A, and I prayed that she wouldn’t feel like I was trying to take advantage of her generous offer to buy clothes for our girls. I didn’t anticipate anything more than the coat, since it was so expensive, and I think I actually cried when she showed up in the days after Nathan’s surgery with bags and bags of brand new clothing with tags on it, in addition to the coat. She asked what our girls like in clothing (sparkles, rainbows, hearts, and unicorns, of course!), and it was all so beautiful! She even gave them each a little toy to open as well, because she as a grandma understood that the “FUN” of gifts for kids is never in the clothes, but in the toys.
Aubree and her husband showed up with beautifully coordinated and matching outfits, all beautifully gift wrapped. It wasn’t Christmas or birthday time, so our girls were confused about why they were receiving these beautiful gifts from this kind lady and her husband that didn’t know very well. Aubree told them it was a “just because” gift, and they were satisfied with that. The gift was given with such dignity that it made me feel not like a poor charity case, but valued like the beautiful child of God that I am. Her asking for our girls’ preferences showed that she cared about their dignity and truly sought to bless them with gifts that they not only needed, but also would desire. She taught me more about the heart of giving in those 20 minutes sitting on the floor of our living room than I have learned in my whole life. She gave from the abundance of her wallet, but also from the abundance of her heart, her time, and her love for Jesus and for us.
She taught me that it is ok to give to others “just because” you can. You don’t have to wait for the right time or the perfect method, or the next paycheck, or next month when you budget it in. You can give with whatever God places on your heart to give, at the time He prompts you. Even though you might be struggling financially like we were this fall, you can still give to others by learning to meet them in their need. You can listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit that whispers in your ear to give what you can, as He did to me almost three weeks ago, “Ask her if she would like a hug right now as she stares out the window to the torrents of snow coming down, bracing herself to go out there alone. Tell her you are praying for her. Hold her while she sobs into your shoulder and lingers for an extra long hug. Ask her if she wants help cleaning off her car after church in this snowstorm because her husband died this fall and he used to be the one to do that for her. Ask your friend’s husband if he would be willing to go help her clean off her car. He’s kindhearted and he will say yes.”
We can give to others out of abundance and not fear, even when we have no money in our bank account. We do this by asking God to show us a need that we can meet, and then following His voice on what to do. There will usually be voices inside our heads that tell us why we shouldn’t give to others, saying things like, “Don’t ask her that. You don’t know her well enough to ask if she wants a hug. She’s trying not to cry in front of all these people. She can clean off her own car. Don’t insult her by asking if she needs help. Of course she can do it herself.” In the case of my friend, Aubree, she might have heard voices that said things like, “Don’t offer to buy her kids clothes. They have both sets of grandparents in town. I’m sure they will take care of buying them clothes when they need it. She posted asking about Door Dash during that storm the other day. If she can afford to even think about eating out to dinner, not to mention Door Dash, then she doesn’t need anything from me.” Those negative voices that try to convince us not to give what we can when we are prompted are the voices of the devil himself trying to thwart God’s good story in your life and in the lives of others. Don’t listen to them. Listen to that still, small voice that calls you to the precipice of something potentially frightening that would have the potential to leave you rejected. Listen to the voice that calls you OUT of the box in which you’ve been living and into the freedom of the unknown, nonjudgmental blessing of others by giving from the abundance of your heart.
Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount in Luke 6 came to mind as I was trying to wrap this up, so I will quote part of it here that pertains to this messsage. I hope you will read it and think about your own attitudes and habits toward giving, just as I am evaluating my own this evening.
“Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
Luke 6:30-38 ESV
Transparent Graces 